Random is the best way to describe my blog. Many random thoughts pop into my brain and i love many random things who knows where this will lead to
your a man?
last night i experienced my bestfriend get pushed and grabbed and roughed up by her boyfriend. i was in my room when she called me and when i said hello all i heard were screams. i will never forget that moment.i can still hear her screaming and yelling, crying being scared and needing help. i never flew so fucking fast in my life!!!
i never thought he would be that type of person to do that. in fact i am so shocked that i keep thinking if i wasnt home would he have done more to her. i have known this “man” for 5 years and have watched this couple grow together and get through thick and thin with each other. they were what i called true love if there is such a thing. i was so jealous that she had a man like this, someone who wanted to take care of her and love her.
Now he is the man that i look at with disgust and hate ! this fucking monster who thinks because he has a god damn penis that he can do anything he wants. i never thought that this day would ever arrive. This has proven to me that you will never truly know who anyone is.
i sit here not knowing how to feel, i want to cry for the fact that he hurt someone who is family to me. i want to scream for the fact that i hate him !!!! i am so mixed up and just honestly have never felt this feeling. i also have never experienced this. I will say this because of this i now have even more trust issues. The people that seem to be these great amazing humans can turn out to be the most horrible disgusting piece of flesh on earth. I end with this, no it did not happen to me, but having it happen to someone so close i feel hurt and lost. i cant even imagine what my best friend is going through. this effects how i see people whether if its in the future or now.
till the end …
well today has been a weird day, yesterday my latest relationship with my boyfriend ended due to our differences in each others lifestyles.
As it was happening I had a sick feeling, just the thought of not being with him hurt even though we had only been together for 5 months. we always had fun, I care for him and we had a great relationship. it was a mutual break up as we both knew there was not going to be a future if neither of us changed.so neither of us wanted to waste each others time.
he is an amazing guy, and everything he has done for me I appreciate. we are still talking as we want to be friends. yesterday I was completely fine, and honestly thought me and him are better as friends. today it has sunk in, that I will never be able to cuddle with him, be around him the same way, or anything. that we are no longer a couple. I honestly am trying to be happy with the decision while talking with him, but it sometimes just makes me sad.
I know i will be ok and just have to try not to think about it. I hope that me and him are able to be friends.
I miss him..
